What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
