there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
