Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize