"it" just moved
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she smelled like a LAN party
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
