I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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