My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
