Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
