So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a search helicopter?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am available for nakedness
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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