This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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