If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
