I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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