Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
