Your dad touched me again.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
