I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
