Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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