I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
