I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
