Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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