I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
