It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
