would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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