sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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