And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
