is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
