Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
