Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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