Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
