I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
