I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
