You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
