Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
