I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
