I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
