if i can run in heels then i can drive
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize