she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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