if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
