He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
