It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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