My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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