She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
