How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
