Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
