$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
