Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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