it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
