Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
