Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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