he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
