Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
