I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
