I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
