I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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