she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
