My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come share oat with me in your robe
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