The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
