I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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