I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
