She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize