I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
