if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
