At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
