oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
