I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
false alarm. still invincible.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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