so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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