how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
