i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
