that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
