she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
