why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
