you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
