I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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