i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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