i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
