You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
