Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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